The Old Hundred – Golf Poetry

THE OLD HUNDRED 

HALF a stroke, half a stroke, 
Half a stroke onward, 
Into the yawning ditch 
Plump ! goes a foozled pitch — 
This is the scoring which 
Runs up the hundred. 

Bunkers to right of them, 
Bunkers to left of them, 
Bunkers in front of them, 
Showed how they blundered. 

Oh, the remarks they made 
When strokes ne'er tried by Braid 
Landed them where they played 
More than the hundred. 

Shouts from the men behind 
Followed them down the wind, 
But they ne'er looked to find
Wherefore they thundered. 

Theirs not to reason why, 
Theirs but to do or die; 
Get from their bunkered lie, 
Under the hundred. 

Bunkers to right of them. 
Bunkers to left of them, 
Bunkers in front of them. 
Showed how they blundered. 

Stormed they with many a curse; 
Often the wrath they'd nurse 
Made them play even worse. 
While the world wondered. 

Frozen their baleful stare, 
Niblicks flashed up in air. 
Rose and fell everywhere, 
Down where they blundered. 

One man was playing back, 
One had lodged in a crack. 

Where he played whack on whack,
Over the hundred. 

Bunkers to right of them, 
Bunkers to left of them, 
Bunkers in front of them, 
Waited to catch their ball 

Each time they blundered. 
So nearly every shot 
Landed them in a pot; 
Thus they got round — but not 
Under the hundred. 

Anonymos
From Lyrics of the Links, 1921

The Old Hundred is obviously an ode to Alfred, Lord Tennyson’s “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” first published in 1855.

The Charge celebrates? / laments? a brave, but ultimately foolhardy and misguided charge of 670 light horsemen against a fortified Russian artillery battery during the Crimean War.

Yes. That Crimea — the one in contention now between Ukraine and its Russian invaders.

The original Crimean War (1853 – 1856) was fought between the Russian Empire, and an alliance of the Ottoman Empire, France, the United Kingdom and Sardinia. The proximate cause was Russian expansion into the countries of Eastern Europe and into territories of the Ottoman Empire (now Turkey).

To put pressure on the Russians, the allies invaded Crimea. The war was costly, but the Allies ultimately prevailed. Russian expansion was checked for a time. Within ten years, however, they were back to their old tricks of invading neighboring countries and adding them to the Empire, usually on some flimsy pretext.

The original “Charge of the Light Brigade” poem is below:

I
Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
   Rode the six hundred.
“Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns!” he said.
Into the valley of Death
   Rode the six hundred.

II
“Forward, the Light Brigade!”
Was there a man dismayed?
Not though the soldier knew
   Someone had blundered.
   Theirs not to make reply,
   Theirs not to reason why,
   Theirs but to do and die.
   Into the valley of Death
   Rode the six hundred.

III
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
   Volleyed and thundered;
Stormed at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of hell
   Rode the six hundred.

IV
Flashed all their sabres bare,
Flashed as they turned in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while
   All the world wondered.
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right through the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reeled from the sabre stroke
   Shattered and sundered.
Then they rode back, but not
   Not the six hundred.

V
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
   Volleyed and thundered;
Stormed at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell.
They that had fought so well
Came through the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of hell,
All that was left of them,
   Left of six hundred.

VI
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
   All the world wondered.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
   Noble six hundred!