When ‘Omer Smote ‘Is Bloomin’ Ball

WHEN 'OMER SMOTE 'IS BLOOMIN' BALL 

(With apologies to Kipling) 

WHEN 'Omer smote 'is bloomin' ball 
Around the course in sixty-three. 
'E somehow didn't count 'em all, 
An' claimed a fifty — same as me. 

The golfers at the nineteenth hole. 
They'd seen old 'Omer in the slough 

A-diggin' like a bloomin' mole. 
But kept it quiet — same as you. 

They knew he'd lied ; 'e knew they knowed ; 

'E knew 'e'd made a sixty plus. 
Though 'Omer's name and stories growed, 

'E started 'umble — same as us. 

S. G. Eaton. 

When ‘Omer Smote ‘Is Bloomin’ Ball is written in the style of Rudyard Kipling’s “Barrack Room Ballads,” a collection of poetry published in 1890 and 1892. The collection focuses on the Victorian army, and is written in a vernacular style.

Here’s “Danny Deever,” one of the most famous of the works. You can see the vernacular style in this one.

Danny Deever

   “What are the bugles blowin' for?” said Files-on-Parade.
   “To turn you out, to turn you out”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
   “What makes you look so white, so white?” said Files-on-Parade.
   “I'm dreadin' what I've got to watch”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
       For they're hangin' Danny Deever, you can hear the Dead March play,
       The regiment's in 'ollow square—they're hangin' him to-day;
       They've taken of his buttons off an' cut his stripes away,
       An' they're hangin' Danny Deever in the mornin'.

   “What makes the rear-rank breathe so 'ard?” said Files-on-Parade.
   “It's bitter cold, it's bitter cold”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
   “What makes that front-rank man fall down?” said Files-on-Parade.
   “A touch o' sun, a touch o' sun”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
       They are hangin' Danny Deever, they are marchin' of 'im round,
       They 'ave 'alted Danny Deever by 'is coffin on the ground;
       An' 'e'll swing in 'arf a minute for a sneakin' shootin' hound—
       O they're hangin' Danny Deever in the mornin'!

   “'Is cot was right-'and cot to mine”, said Files-on-Parade.
   “'E's sleepin' out an' far to-night”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
   “I've drunk 'is beer a score o' times”, said Files-on-Parade.
   “'E's drinkin' bitter beer alone”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
       They are hangin' Danny Deever, you must mark 'im to 'is place,
       For 'e shot a comrade sleepin'—you must look 'im in the face;
       Nine 'undred of 'is county an' the regiment's disgrace,
       While they're hangin' Danny Deever in the mornin'.

   “What's that so black agin' the sun?” said Files-on-Parade.
   “It's Danny fightin' 'ard for life”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
   “What's that that whimpers over'ead?” said Files-on-Parade.
   “It's Danny's soul that's passin' now”, the Colour-Sergeant said.
       For they're done with Danny Deever, you can 'ear the quickstep play,
       The regiment's in column, an' they're marchin' us away;
       Ho! the young recruits are shakin', an' they'll want their beer to-day,
       After hangin' Danny Deever in the mornin'.

When ‘Omer Smote ‘Is Bloomin’ Ball was published in 1921 in Lyrics of the Links.